Why Most People Close to You Get Mad When You Start Loving Yourself More

Hey guys, I know a lot of you can relate to this.

Some people get mad when you start loving yourself more because now you say no a lot more than yes. Now you use your voice and say things they’re not used to hearing from you. Now you know your worth and you don’t settle for the bits and pieces you used to settle for when you were still healing and figuring yourself out. Now you’re more aware of who wants to take advantage of you and who is lying and who is trying to trick you. Now you protect yourself even if it means letting others down.

Some people get mad because they miss the old version of you. The one they liked and got used to. The one they could easily manipulate because they knew that you would always be there, you would always put their needs above your own and they knew that you would always choose them over yourself. Now you keep choosing yourself and putting yourself first and it’s not serving them anymore. Now you don’t care if they abandon you or leave you or stop hanging out with you because you’re finally loving your own company and realizing that you’re perfectly fine without some people’s love and approval. Now you’re focusing on yourself and making things happen and it’s pissing some people off.

And it’s not always out of ill will or bad intentions but that one friend liked it when you would accommodate them whenever they needed you at their convenience and you never said a word. That ex liked the fact you were still hung up on them even after all the hurt they’ve caused you. That one boss liked it when they would belittle you so they could take all the credit because they knew you wouldn’t complain. That one family member liked it when they would blame you for all their failures and clear themselves from all their wrongdoings. It’s simple, people don’t like it when you see through their lies and manipulations. People don’t like it when you used to let things go but now you speak up. People don’t like it when you used to make them feel good about themselves but now you call them out and people don’t like it when you treat them the same way they treat you.

Some people get mad when you start loving yourself more because it means that you will no longer let things slide or be available to their disrespect or tolerate their behaviour, and these are the exact people who made you question your self-worth and made you feel like you don’t deserve more. They would always pull you back in their web whenever you tried to break free but nothing feels better than releasing yourself from this web and from their judgments. Nothing feels better than betting on yourself and winning. Nothing feels better than looking these people in the eye and they no longer get to you, they no longer intimidate you, they no longer have a soft spot, and they’re no longer on a pedestal. Nothing feels better than putting people back in their place and putting yourself first instead.

Your peace of mind and sanity is very important.

Fact: How You See Yourself Will Always Be More Important Than How Others See You

This is a guest post.

How you see yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you handle your defeats is more important than how others see you or what they think of you. It’s a lesson I keep learning the hard way, the more you look on the outside for validation, the less you achieve, the less you accomplish, the less you do because what others think of you, their words, and their judgments can truly paralyze you.

Here’s a fact that’s never going to change, there will always be someone who doesn’t believe in you, there will always be someone who judges you, there will always be someone who doesn’t think you’re good enough for whatever you’re doing, there will always be someone who doesn’t think you are worthy of their time and attention and there will always be someone who criticizes everything you do. These people exist in our lives, they can be in our family or our friends, in our circle or our work and you can never run away from them but the good news is you don’t have to.

You don’t have to listen to their half-hearted advice or their unsolicited opinions. You don’t have to filter who you are or give up on your dreams because they all agree that you won’t be able to make it. You don’t have to see yourself through their eyes. You don’t have to let them dictate whether or not you deserve love. You don’t have to lend them your ears when they want to put you down and you don’t have to engage in their debates.

Here’s another fact, at the other end of the spectrum, there will be people who believe in you, who encourage you to go for your dreams, to take on more challenges, to step out of your comfort zone. There will be people who see you as more than enough and overqualified. There will be people who brag about you and how proud they are of you or how lucky they are to know you. Like a pendulum, you’ll always swing between these two ends which is why you should never really get attached to any of them because how you see yourself will always be more important than how others see you.

Because if others see you as bad and you are confident in your abilities, it won’t stop them from judging you anyway and if others see you as good and you’re full of doubts about yourself, then they won’t do you any good either. There will always be battles you can’t win and sometimes these people may be right about you but if you spend your life trying to prove everyone wrong then you’ll never truly live. What’s more important is not allowing these people to get to you or stop you from living the life you want even if it means losing a few battles and people along the way.

Source: Rania Naim

Guest Post: 15 Things To Remind Yourself Of When Life Seems Overwhelming And Difficult

Hello guys,

Raise your hand if this year has been rough. Yeah, I know. We’ve all had a rough year. Some of us have had a rough few years. Now, do me a favour and put your hand on your chest. Do you feel that? That’s called life. Your heart hasn’t stopped beating to keep you alive, so don’t waste any more of it feeling sorry for yourself. There’s time for everything in this life. There’s time to mourn, cry, to be angry, to feel indifferent, but there’s also time to laugh, hug, kiss, and dance. If you’ve been moping for a while, maybe it’s time you remind yourself of these things and finally start living life more fully.

1. You’re more than just your body.

You have a mind, a soul and a heart. The outside is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more in you that people love than what’s on the outside. Put more focus on what’s inside and let that beauty flourish from the inside out.

2. You can do anything.

If you focus and plan, you’ll surely reach those goals. It’ll take work, but it’ll feel good to know that hard work and helping yourself was your key to success.

3. You’re the only person who can make you happy.

No one else can make you happy, nor can you fill voids in the happiness department with material things. You and only you can control your level of happiness.

4. Problems have solutions.

Take a moment. Breathe. Think. Analyze. Plan. Solve. You can do it.

5. Is your problem really that big or are you being dramatic?

Stop and assess. Don’t waste energy on worrying about something not worth worrying about.

6. Be thankful for your support system.

No matter how big or how small, you’re part of a community of people who love you. Appreciate them and give thanks that you have someone to turn to.

7. You’re not alive to impress anyone.

Life is not about fitting in or making people like you because of how you look or what you have. Social media is full of liars and the moment you understand that, the lesser you’ll feel like impressing anyone.

8. Do things for yourself.

If you like it, do it. If it makes you feel good, do it. If it makes you happy, do it. If it makes you feel empowered, do it.

9. Life has a long list of good things ready for you.

You may be in a rut now, but that won’t be forever. Life always gives us sweet surprises. Be on the lookout.

10. Failing doesn’t mean it’s over.

You may have failed 1,000 times and feel like giving up. That’s ok. If you don’t want to give up and know you want to continue persevering, that’s also ok. It’s not over until you say it is.

11. People love you, so why don’t you love yourself?

We have this tendency to constantly self-deprecate. We under-value and under-appreciate ourselves, when the people we know value and love us. If they can love you, you can definitely love yourself too.

12. Life doesn’t suck as much as you think it does.

If we look hard enough, finding the bright side to life isn’t all that hard. Count your blessings, literally. Write them down and be amazed. Your life isn’t that bad.

13. You’re not alone.

We’re all on this journey together. And yes, life can seem easier for some and harder for others, but a wise man once said, “the sun rises for both good and evil”. You’ll get a fair shot at the things you want, but in the meantime, rest assured that everyone is fighting for something. You’re not an isolated case.

14. Messing up just means you’re human.

Congrats, you’re not a robot, or an alien, or a fictional character. You’re a real, live person who stumbles. Dust yourself off and start over. It’s that simple.

15. Don’t deprive yourself of anything lovely.

Never deny yourself the opportunity to love, eat, dance, sing, cry, shout, etc. Go. See new places, make new friends, try new things. Life is short and isn’t meant to be rationed.

Source: Much credit to Fernanda

Don’t Feel Guilty For Doing What’s Best For Yourself

This is a guest post.

Don’t feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life. Even if you love them, even if you had wonderful times with them in the past, you have to do what’s right for yourself today. Remember, even though you might be the person ending the relationship, you’re not the reason this has to happen. They brought it onto themselves. It’s their fault. Not yours. You have to do what is best for yourself. You have to put yourself first, even when it hurts.

Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first, especially when it comes to your mental health. You’re allowed to be selfish. You’re allowed to make decisions that benefit you, even if they upset the people around you. It doesn’t matter if anyone else understands or respects your decision. All that matters is that you care about yourself enough to do what is best for yourself. You should never sacrifice your mental health for anyone else. After all, if they really cared about you, they would encourage you to do whatever you need to do.

Don’t feel guilty for disappointing other people, even the people you love. You can’t make career choices, relationship choices, or any general life choices based on what your parent or partner wants from you. You need to do what brings you the most happiness. There’s no reason to make them happy if it means making yourself miserable. When it comes to your life, your emotions and your opinions are the most important.

Don’t feel guilty for causing conflict. If someone upsets you, you don’t have to pretend everything is fine to keep the peace. You don’t have to act polite when someone is completely disrespecting you. You’re allowed to speak your mind and say what’s wrong. You’re allowed to call people out when they cross an unforgivable line. You shouldn’t feel pressured to stay quiet when you’re suffering on the inside.

Don’t feel guilty about saying no when your plate is full. Even though you have a kind heart, you can’t help everyone who asks for a hand. You don’t want to burn yourself out to please someone else. Sometimes, you need to let others down. Sometimes, you need to do what makes the most sense for you instead of running around, trying to entertain everyone else.

Remember, you’re allowed to be selfish, but this doesn’t mean you need to walk around, only caring about yourself. This doesn’t mean you should say and do whatever you want without any regard for the people around you. This doesn’t mean you’re allowed to disrespect your family and friends. It only means that you shouldn’t let people walk over you. You shouldn’t let others make your decisions for you. You shouldn’t assume family members and friends know you better than you know yourself.

Don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for yourself. Don’t hesitate to do what makes you the happiest because, at the end of the day, you’re the only person you can rely on.

Guest: Holly Riordan

Image source: Adobe stock

Trust Me When I Say God Always Has A Plan

This is a guest repost.

Trust me when I say God knows what he’s doing. Even if you’re confused and you don’t know how you’re going to move forward or where you’re going to go, he will always open a new door for you. An unexpected door. A door that could lead you to a kind of happiness you never imagined. A door that puts an end to the hard days.

Trust me when I say God doesn’t take things away without giving you something better. God knows when something has served its purpose even if you can’t see it. God knows when things should end even if you’re not ready. God is planning what’s next for you because he knows that you need a change. He knows that he’s taking you to a better destination or guiding you to a more fulfilling life.

Trust me when I say God hears your prayers. He’s listening to you and he’s giving you exactly what you want but in his own way. Maybe his way is different from yours but his way is always the right way. When you ask for happiness and you find yourself drifting away from the people you love, he’s telling you that these are not the people to surround yourself with because they drain you. When you ask for peace and you lose your job, he’s telling you that your future is better somewhere else. When you ask for love and he gives you heartbreak, he’s telling you that you need to make a better choice. He’s telling you you’re loving the wrong people. He’s always answering your questions, you just need to trust his answers.

Trust me when I say God is looking out for you. It may not be easy to see at times and it might be impossible to understand why things happen the way they do but one thing I know for sure is that God won’t leave you alone in the dark. He will guide you. He will inspire you. He will rearrange things in your life so you can change your life. 

Trust me when I say God wants you to count on him. He wants you to learn that people are unpredictable and they change their minds every second. He wants you to know that nothing in life is secure or complete. He wants you to know that there will be times when you’ll just have to count on your faith instead of your logic. He wants you to go through enough problems so you can have enough wisdom to know that he’s the only constant in this life and he’s the only one who can truly heal you.

Trust me when I say God always has a plan for you and that plan always includes what’s best for you.

Credit: Rania Naim

Image credit: Adobe Stock

This Is Me Trying

I am far from complete. I am an unfinished manuscript, collecting dust on a forgotten shelf. I am merely half a canvas, splattered paint that is yet to be a masterpiece. And that’s okay with me. Why would I want to be complete? That would mean the world was done with me.

I have not been sculpted to perfection yet, my fine details are still to be sketched. I would not want to rush the process of perfection, I do not wish for my metamorphosis to be instantaneous.

I want the world to take its time with me. Mold my soul with patience and attentiveness, Lead me to walk through darkness when I am convinced there is no light. Teach me lessons that will shape me into the final version of who I am to be.

I care very little for immediate perfection. I know that society is obsessed with getting it right from the start and I am sorry if I come across as self-righteous, but you’re wrong.

Life is about living. Living is about trying. Trying and learning; never failing. Failing suggests that nothing came of it. There is always a purpose, always a lesson to be learned. This obsession with perfection will only cause you pain; I speak from experience. I, too, wanted everything, now. I almost demanded it, trying to manifest it at my feet. But that is not how this works. If you believe that is the unquestionable truth, you will not live. Seeing lessons as failures will only fill your life with frustration and misery. Perfection is only attainable when our manuscripts are complete. Perfection is within that finished masterpiece.

To live is to try. Those lessons you see as imperfections, they are the words that fill your manuscripts and the brush strokes that create your masterpiece. Trying is the meaning of life. Because we are human. Humans are not perfect. We are never always right and mistakes are what make us individuals.

Your soul is a constellation of imperfections. Imperfections that resulted from a lifetime of trying.

And maybe perfection is not attainable when we reach our conclusions; not in the way you believe perfection to be. Perfection is when you have learned and absorbed every possible thing that life had to offer you. Perfection is closing your eyes for the final time, accumulating every imperfection you collected over the years. Perfection is having spent a lifetime trying.

This is me being dedicated to trying. Trying to learn from those sweet imperfections I am committed to loving. This is me trying to enjoy the process of my chapters being written. This is me trying to live.

Source: Dakota Geduld

Image Credit: Adobe Stock

A Short Story About A Butterfly

Once upon a time, a man found a butterfly that was starting to hatch from its cocoon. He sat down and watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force itself through a tiny hole. Then, it suddenly stopped making progress and looked like it was stuck. Therefore, the man decided to help the butterfly out. He took a pair of scissors and cut off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, although it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man thought nothing of it, and he sat there waiting for the wings to enlarge to support the butterfly. However, that never happened. The butterfly spent the rest of its life unable to fly, crawling around with small wings and a swollen body. Despite the man’s kind heart, he didn’t understand that the restricting cocoon and the struggle needed by the butterfly to get itself through the small hole were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings to prepare itself for flying once it was free.

Moral of the story: Our struggles in life help to develop our strengths. Without struggles, we never grow and get stronger, so it’s important for us to tackle challenges on our own, and not rely on help from others all the time.

Physical Appearance Should Not Be The Most Attractive Thing About You

I am not sure of you but in my opinion, the most attractive people are the ones who know that their physical appearance isn’t the most attractive thing about them. They have a certain kind of confidence, they’re usually more fun to hang out with, and they’re the kind of people who are ready to love you for who you are. Not what you are.

Body image is no light subject. There are people who are suffering legitimate illnesses, mental and physical, relating to how they appear.

At the bare minimum, I assume, everybody feels as though they are sub-par at some point, in some way. I am in no way trying to diminish the suffering that people experience regarding their physical appearances. I just hope that, if even for a few minutes, you can hear me out.

I think that attraction that is not physical can end up being physical eventually, when you really grow to care about someone. Listen, I’m not going to kid and say personal grooming and cleanliness aren’t important, they obviously are. But at the end of the day, you need to be with someone who wants you for who you are, and respects how you want to present yourself. Not someone who wants you to look like they want you to.

How you choose to present yourself does say something about you, we can’t pretend it doesn’t. But one of the most powerful things it can say is that you care enough to take care of yourself, but you still know that it’s not the only thing great about you.

It always gets to me when I hear guys admit that they’re ashamed or concerned about their appearance. I guess it’s because I’m so used to hearing girls lament the subject, hearing that guys do as well is both refreshing (whoa, we’re all human? We all feel this way?!) guys you don’t need to be chiseled to be loved or admire. You only need to be confidence in your looks and skin. But equally disturbing because it’s so unfortunate that anyone has to think like that. Guys/Ladies are looking for real, loving, genuine, kick-ass people who lift others up and make them happy. If you are interested in girls (or guys) who are made happy by how in shape you are, it may be time to look elsewhere. (Fact)

The point is, even if you’ll never be able to be completely satisfied with how you look, you don’t have to be to still be a perfectly worthy and beautiful person. Love yourself for everything inside you, and you’ll be able to find someone else who does as well.

Most credit goes to Brianna Weist. My professional and senior colleague.

Image credit Adobe stock