You Never Know What God Has In Store For You, But It’s Always Better Than You Think

Guest post.

You never know why God picked a certain path for you even if it didn’t make sense to you or even if you thought that it was unfair or too painful. You never know why God made you fight certain battles alone or why he made you lose those battles. You never know why he picked someone else for something you wanted or a dream you wished for, but you should know that what he has in store for you is always way better than anything you could have imagined for yourself.

You never know why his delays or his timing or his plans did not align with yours, but you should know that with time, you are going to realize that you didn’t need what you wanted back then, that they were juvenile wishes or dreams from an unhealed or an immature version of you. You are going to change and evolve and your dreams and passions will change and you will thank God that you were not stuck with an old dream or an old story that would have been wrong for you.

You never know why God tested you with the things that meant the most to you or the things you thought you couldn’t live without, but you should know that every time you think you lost something special, God has something outstanding in store for you. Every time you go after a blocked road or a closed door, God has an even better one wide open for you. Every time you chase someone who doesn’t love you or appreciate you or someone who isn’t right for you, God is saving you from a lifetime of pain and regret because he has someone perfect for you.

The truth is, you never know what God has in store for you, but from what I have seen in my own life and what I have learned when my life didn’t go as planned, all along God had a totally different vision for my life, and now I know that what I wanted for myself would have destroyed me. You never know how many doors God is willing to close to protect you, but you also never know how many doors he’s willing to open to bless you with things you never even dreamed of.

Sooner or later you are going to realize that what God has in store for you is always better than anything you could have imagined for yourself.

Thank you Rania Naim for reposting this inspirational post on my platform.

I Am Slowly Learning That The Only Person I Am In Competition With Is Myself

I am slowly learning that the only place that the competition for being a good and worthy person exists is in my own mind.

I am slowly learning that every time being “better than” someone or something else motivates me, it’s because I don’t have my own motivations.

I am slowly learning that the only person I am in a competition with is myself. Not only because the only thing I should compare myself to is my past, but because competing with other people is something that breeds from fear and insecurity.

I am slowly learning that the only person who is judging me is me – and I am slowly learning that there’s no prize for winning this.

When you are in competition with someone in your mind, you are not trying to be better than them. You are trying to re-define your self-image comparatively. You don’t feel good enough on your own, and so you have to grift off of the perceived inadequacy of someone else.

It’s not really a competition and it never was. It was just you telling yourself that there’s no way for you to feel good about something on your own, and so at least if you can be better than someone else, you’re okay.

It is unsustainable. It keeps you in a war with yourself. It makes you resistant to change. It makes you not want to succeed because you don’t want to be back on the battlefield.

If you can imagine your best, highest and most loving self, they aren’t sitting around thinking at least I’ve got more than (so-and-so). Of course they aren’t. They are happy on their own. The less happy you are, the more you need other people to be.

The competition exists for an imaginary audience in your mind. It exists for a faceless group of “people.” The secret is that those people are a projection of how you really feel. It’s the safer way to express your suppressed feelings about worthiness.

Winning the competition in our minds does not improve us, it degrades us. It gives a false high and forces us to keep leveling our worth against someone else’s.

More importantly, it does not move our lives forward. It drives us toward working against others, which almost always means we aren’t working for the true betterment of ourselves.

If you need envy, jealousy, and superiority to drive you, you should take a good, hard look at what you’re moving toward.

What needs to change isn’t how hard you try. You don’t need to augment your willpower. You have to be very, very honest with yourself about what it is you think you want and why it is that deep down, you actually don’t.

It means you also have to be honest about the ways in which your life is not fulfilling you. They teach you in middle school that bullies are the people who are suffering most, but when you’re the bully and the victim, the answer is that you’re not giving yourself something you need. You’re not building the life you really want.

So instead of wondering what would incite the envy of everyone you know, dream of what would feel so good you wouldn’t be able to stop and think of their opinions for a second. Imagine what would be so gratifying that even if you lost every pretend competition in your mind, it wouldn’t matter.

Imagine what it would take to be blissfully happy even if you weren’t the smartest, happiest, most successful person in the room. The reality is if you want to live by comparisons, you never will be anyway. There will always be someone next to whom you feel inferior.

The only person you are fighting is yourself. And when you’re on both sides of the battlefield, even when you win, you lose.

Guest post by Brianna Weist

You Are Allowed To Admit You’re Not Okay

Hey guys,

You’re not okay if you’re spending every single day in bed, barely moving from your room, rarely answering texts or engaging in any type of human interaction.

You’re not okay if you’re crying your eyes out every single night before you go to sleep, if you’re skipping showers almost every single morning, if you’re losing energy early in the afternoon when you’ve hardly even started your day yet.

You’re not okay if you’re always telling lies about why you’ve been acting so distant from your friends, why you’ve been locked inside your house lately, why you haven’t been in the mood to go out, why your eyes are always so red and puffy.

You’re not okay if you’ve lost interest in things you used to love, if you’ve lost energy, if you’ve lost passion, if you’ve lost the desire to roll out of bed when your alarm rings.

You’re not okay if you’ve been feeling off, like you’re not exactly yourself, like something needs to change. You’re not okay if you’re worried you’re going to feel this way forever. You’re not okay if you’re hoping thing are going to change soon.

You need to understand that not okay doesn’t mean not normal. There are so many people in this world feeling similar to how you’re feeling. You’re not alone. You’re not weird. You’re not crazy. You’re just a human going through a hard time right now.

If you’re not okay, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it, but you should do something about it. You should reach out to get the help you deserve. You should make the choice to make a lifestyle change. You should see if you can find a therapist to talk to about your situation. You should pour your energy into finding a way to cultivate happiness moving forward.

You don’t want your life to be about existing until the next day, the next hour, the next minute. You want it to be about looking forward to the next day, the next hour, the next minute. In order for that to happen, you need to find things you enjoy. You need to get excited about waking up in the morning again. You need to ask yourself what you want and how you’re going to get it.

The time to play pretend is over. It’s time to start taking care of yourself. It’s time to decide you deserve happiness. You deserve to feel proud of yourself. You deserve to wake up in the morning with energy.

When you pretend you’re okay, you’re pretending you don’t need to fix your situation. You’re pretending your mental health isn’t a priority. You’re pretending talking to someone isn’t going to help. You’re pretending you’re perfectly fine living like this day after day after day.

But you’re not okay — and it’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to start taking better care of yourself. It’s okay to decide you matter. Your happiness matters. Your well-being matters. Your life matters.

Don’t pretend to be okay. Everyone needs help!!!

Despite What You Think Of Yourself, You Are Valuable

Hey guys!

It’s dangerous to assume your worth is tied to any one thing, whether that’s your career or your relationship or your friendships. If you get your validation from a single outside source, then your sense of worth is going to rise and drop on a daily basis. Your confidence is going to change based on how well that single area of your life is currently going.



You can’t allow your relationship status to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter whether you’re currently getting over a breakup. It doesn’t matter whether your heart is having trouble healing. It doesn’t matter whether you’re spending your nights in bed alone. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the last one of your friends who is still single. It doesn’t matter whether you thought you would be married with children by now. You value doesn’t change based on whether or not you’re in a relationship.

You can’t allow your social media stats to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter how many comments you get on a selfie. It doesn’t matter how many followers you have. It doesn’t matter how many people have been sliding into your DMs. It doesn’t matter whether anyone has checked your story in the last hour. Your value doesn’t changed based on your popularity on social media.

You can’t allow your career to determine your worth. It doesn’t matter how much money you’re making. It doesn’t matter whether you’re taking longer to achieve your goals than you feel like you should. It doesn’t matter whether your friends seem further ahead than you right now. It doesn’t matter whether you feel like you’re slowly falling behind. You value doesn’t change based on the amount of money in your bank account.

If you’re unhappy with a certain area of your life, then by all means, you should try to fix it. You should take action. You should make a change. But you should never let your unhappiness convince you that you’re not valuable as a human being.

You can’t allow a single aspect of your life to determine your worth. You have to determine your own worth.

You have to look in the mirror and say to yourself: I know what I think of me and I am valuable. I am worthwhile. I am loved.”

Thanks to Holly Riordan for the motivation.

2022: Never Stop Chasing Your Dreams

Hey guys,

Never give up because you’re lucky to have something you feel this passionately about pursuing. Some people search their whole lives for meaning, for a purpose, for an outlet that brings them happiness. You’ve already found that thing, which means you’re one step closer to your dreams than most people because you actually know what your dreams are. You know what you want. You just have to go out there and get it.

Never give up because you’re not going to know what you’re capable of achieving unless you keep going. You’re never going to have any idea of how far you would’ve gone if you allow yourself to stop prematurely. Besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you keep chasing after your dreams? You might not reach them? At least, if you’re actively trying, then you have a chance at success. If you give up now, then it’s guaranteed that you’re never going to get where you wish you were. You might as well put the odds in your favor.

Never give up because persistence is even more crucial than talent. You’re not going to achieve all of your dreams in a short amount of time. You’re not going to get rewarded overnight. It’s going to be a long ride. You’re going to have to remain patient. You’re going to have to stay motivated, even when you feel like you’re off your game. You’re going to have to keep trying, even when the world is warning you you’re wasting your time.

Never give up because you’re going to regret it if you give up on your dreams. You’re going to look back on your decision to stop and wish you would have put in a little more effort, a little more time. You don’t want your future self to be pissed at your current self. Do yourself a favor and continue chasing after your dreams. Even if you don’t reach your goals, at least you won’t have to stay up late at night for the rest of your life worrying about the what ifs.

Never give up because you deserve to see your hard work pay off. You deserve to call yourself successful. You deserve to be proud of yourself. Right now, you might be questioning whether you’re good enough, but you cannot allow your insecurities to hold you back. Even once you reach your goal, you’re still going to have doubts. The nagging voice in the back of your mind is never going to go away, so you have to learn to live with it. You have to realize that even though what it’s saying might sound true doesn’t mean it is true.

Never give up because you’re making more progress than you realize. You’re closer to your destination that you would ever imagine. You might not be able to see it now — and if you give up, then you’re never going to see it. You’re never going to know how many more steps you needed to take to reach your dreams. That’s why you have to keep going. You can’t give up on yourself. You can’t let go of your wildest dreams.

A guest post and credit to Holly Riordan.

Learn To Sit Back And Observe

Hey guys!

This topic is not new to most of you but dropping this year as a reminder.

In life, we need to learn to sit back and observe things. Not everything needs a reaction all the time.
You will meet someone tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you’ve known forever. Time means nothing, character does.

Character is everything in life. A bad character is like a foul smell that leaves a stench everywhere you go and you can’t go far with it. Practice being yourself and you will realize how beautiful you are. Trying to be someone else will only make you ugly.
Getting no message is also a message.

Trust in the Lord and His word. He cannot disappoint you. It’s not in His nature.

Walk with God and you’ll never be alone.

Peace and Love 🙏❤️😇

Instead Of Focusing On Finding Something You Think Will Make You Happy, You Should Focus On Bettering Yourself

Bettering yourself doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you that needs fixing. It doesn’t mean you should be embarrassed or ashamed of yourself.

Bettering yourself simply means you’re going to put in the work to take care of yourself. It means, instead of pouring all of your effort into impressing other people, you’re pouring effort into making yourself happy.

Bettering yourself is going to raise your confidence. It’s going to encourage you to love yourself. It’s going to make you realize that whether or not you’re part of a couple has no correlation to your value. You’re worth the same amount as a single woman as you are as an engaged woman or a married woman. Your value doesn’t ebb and flow based on your relationship status.
Bettering yourself is going to encourage your growth. It’s going to inspire change. It’s going to push you to break your worst habits and develop healthier ones. It’s going to shape you into the type of person you can say you’re proud of, the type of person you can say you love.
Bettering yourself is going to help you heal, help you move forward, help you forget about the bad things that happened in the past and look forward to the good things that are bound to happen in the future. It will make you more excited for what’s to come, about what you could accomplish, about what the world has in store for you.

Bettering yourself is never done. It’s going to be a lifelong experience, so you’re going to have to stay dedicated, stay inspired, stay hopeful in yourself.

You can never go wrong with bettering yourself. In the process, you might even find the love you’ve been hoping to find. But if not, if you stay single for a while longer, then you’re not going to sweat it. You’re still going to be happy because you know a relationship doesn’t define you. You know a relationship isn’t the beginning or the end of the world. You know the one person who matters more than the future love of your life is yourself.

Be Good to Yourself this New Month: The Art of Self Love

We were all born and celebrated as cute little bundles of joy. Then we blossom and the cuteness somewhat fades away. Then comes the bosses, colleagues, mates, boys, men, and friends. This is when the seed of self-love you’ve sowed is put to test. If you have learnt the art of self-love, then you will easily get through life.

Loving yourself more is not being greedy, selfish or unfair. We are taught to be considerate and put others first but never how to love and prepare ourselves for the journey ahead. While you can be generous and kind, it shouldn’t be with a low self-esteem.

Self-esteem, self-care, self-acceptance, self-awareness, self-empowerment, self-respect, self-compassion, self-expression and self-worth are characteristics everyone should have. Notice that these words all begin with “self”?

We need to get over the fear of the unknown and understand our worth by simply practicing self-love. Self-love is not a one-time event but an endless, ongoing process.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
– Oscar Wilde

This New month of March, let us practice self-love and enjoy the joy and happiness we give ourselves.

Feel free to share to your followers and people you love.

Your Insecurities Are Loudest In Your Own Mind

Every morning, you probably stare in the mirror longer than you should, worried something about your makeup isn’t right, worried a hair is out of place, worried you’re going to make a fool of yourself if you step out of the house looking like you do.

You probably do the same thing with social media. Before you post a picture, you probably examine every inch of your body, on the search for flaws. But no one else is going to sit there and stare at your photo for as long as you have (unless they like you and are thinking about how adorable you look).

Either way, no one else is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. No one is thinking the same harsh things you think about yourself. The rest of the world sees you differently than you see yourself. You’re not wearing the same set of lenses.

Even though you might feel like the rest of the world is looking down on you, your insecurities are the loudest in your own mind. The worst possible thing anyone could say about you has already been said by the voice in the back of your head. In a way, that’s a good thing, because it means no one else is judging you as harshly as you think they are.

However, in some ways, it’s also a horrible thing. You don’t want to play the role of your own worst enemy. You don’t want to hate yourself over a few tiny flaws when there are a million different things to love about yourself.

Even though it’s much harder to be kind to the person in the mirror than it is to be kind to others, you want to start learning how to treat yourself with love and compassion, with admiration and respect. You want to start treating yourself the way you treat your loved ones.

No, you’re not perfect — but no one is perfect. Everyone, even the person you consider the most beautiful woman in the world, has things they’re insecure about. You’re perfectly normal for feeling self-conscious. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable with certain aspects of yourself. But you shouldn’t let that discomfort turn into self-hatred. You shouldn’t punish yourself for being yourself.

You’re more beautiful than you believe, on the inside and the outside. It might take you a while to see that, but you’re going to get there as long as you put in the effort.

Stop assuming everyone is judging you. Stop assuming everyone is thinking the absolute worst about you. Even more importantly, stop thinking the worst about yourself. Stop treating yourself like a punching bag. Stop acting like you have nothing to offer this world. Stop doubting yourself. Stop selling yourself short. Stop practicing self-hatred when you should be practicing self-love.

Your insecurities aren’t as noticeable as you think. Even if someone else sees the same ‘flaw’ you see, they aren’t going to dwell on it. It’s not going to make a difference in their life. They aren’t going to give a hoot.

Much credit to Holly Riordan

You’re Not Supposed To Have Every Answer, So Stop Trying To Race To The Finish Line

Guest post.

You are not supposed to know everything right now.

You are not supposed to have every goal achieved and every decision made as quickly as you can.

You are not meant to race to the finish line of your life.

There is a pace to life that we have to honor. We cannot cut to the end of the story, we cannot demand it all at once, and we should not stress that we have not hit every milestone as early as possible.

There is a pace to life, and when we begin to see that there is a unique timing for everything, we begin to trust it more than we doubt it.

Sometimes, things don’t happen the moment we want them to because we are just not ready yet.

Sometimes, we have to learn how to handle little bits of success, so we are ready when they become massive. Sometimes, we have to learn to be okay by ourselves first, so we don’t ruin a relationship with unhealthy attachment. Sometimes, we have to learn to handle little criticisms here and there, so we’re ready when life takes off and people are really watching.

Sometimes, we just have more growing to do than we realize, and life always honors that — even if it lets you down in the moment. Just because you aren’t going as quickly as you thought does not mean you aren’t on your way.

There is no virtue to peaking too young. There is no real ambition that should culminate immediately after you’ve conceived of it. The real work is a lifelong commitment to excellence and the pursuit of a strong foundation, and a thriving soul.

You do not need to know everything that is in front of you yet.

When you set out on a road trip at night, you don’t expect your headlights to shine all the way through the darkness, miles and miles ahead of you, straight to your destination. All you can see is what is directly ahead of you, and that’s all you need to see. If you keep taking the next right step, you will arrive.

This is true even if you run into a roadblock along the way. You wouldn’t turn your car around because you couldn’t pass. You’d find another road. The same is true of your life journey.

Right now, you don’t feel lost because you actually have no idea where your life is going. You feel lost because you’re in transition. You have planted, or maybe sprouted, but not yet bloomed.

But you do not expect a bud to bloom on command. You bury its seed deeply, water it and give it light — and then you let it do what it was created to do, in its own time.

You are the exact same way.

Keep stepping forward. Take one right step, and then the next one. You do not have to have all the answers, you do not need to be your most perfect self right at this exact moment in time.

Sometimes, the growth process brings us somewhere unexpected, better than we conceived of originally. Sometimes, it delivers us right where we always wanted to be, as the people who are ready to step into the life we’ve been getting ready for.

The path is the process.

Trust it.

Credit: Brianna Weist

Master The Art Of You’re Allowed To Admit You’re Not Okay

You’re not okay if you’re spending every single day in bed, barely moving from your room, rarely answering texts or engaging in any type of human interaction.

You’re not okay if you’re crying your eyes out every single night before you go to sleep, if you’re skipping showers almost every single morning, if you’re losing energy early in the afternoon when you’ve hardly even started your day yet.

You’re not okay if you’re always telling lies about why you’ve been acting so distant from your friends, why you’ve been locked inside your house lately, why you haven’t been in the mood to go out, why your eyes are always so red and puffy.

You’re not okay if you’ve lost interest in things you used to love, if you’ve lost energy, if you’ve lost passion, if you’ve lost the desire to roll out of bed when your alarm rings.

You’re not okay if you’ve been feeling off, like you’re not exactly yourself, like something needs to change. You’re not okay if you’re worried you’re going to feel this way forever. You’re not okay if you’re hoping thing are going to change soon.

You need to understand that not okay doesn’t mean not normal. There are so many people in this world feeling similar to how you’re feeling. You’re not alone. You’re not weird. You’re not crazy. You’re just a human going through a hard time right now.

If you’re not okay, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it, but you should do something about it. You should reach out to get the help you deserve. You should make the choice to make a lifestyle change. You should see if you can find a therapist to talk to about your situation. You should pour your energy into finding a way to cultivate happiness moving forward.

You don’t want your life to be about existing until the next day, the next hour, the next minute. You want it to be about looking forward to the next day, the next hour, the next minute. In order for that to happen, you need to find things you enjoy. You need to get excited about waking up in the morning again. You need to ask yourself what you want and how you’re going to get it.

The time to play pretend is over. It’s time to start taking care of yourself. It’s time to decide you deserve happiness. You deserve to feel proud of yourself. You deserve to wake up in the morning with energy.

When you pretend you’re okay, you’re pretending you don’t need to fix your situation. You’re pretending your mental health isn’t a priority. You’re pretending talking to someone isn’t going to help. You’re pretending you’re perfectly fine living like this day after day after day.

But you’re not okay — and it’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to start taking better care of yourself. It’s okay to decide you matter. Your happiness matters. Your well-being matters. Your life matters.

Guest post by Holly Riordan.

Understand That Sometimes, Successes Come Slowly

Sometimes, you won’t get the credit you feel like you deserve. Sometimes, you’re going to feel like all the hard work you’ve been putting into a project has been a waste because nobody has been around to pat you on the back or remind you what a good job you’ve been doing.

But you don’t need validation from anyone else in order to feel proud of yourself. Stop waiting around for other people to realize your value and start rewarding yourself. When you accomplish one of your goals, reward yourself with a bottle of wine or ice cream or making your favourite coffee. Make sure that, even if the rest of the world can’t see what a good job you’ve been doing, you recognize it yourself.

Sometimes, you’re not going to get the reaction you were hoping for from your friends, family, coworkers, and kids you used to know in school. Sometimes, you’re not going to impress the people you’ve been hoping to impress. Sometimes, you’re going to live through your successes quietly. That’s why you shouldn’t do anything for the sake of fitting in or looking cool. You should be doing things because they’re what you want to do, because they make you happy, because you can’t imagine having more fun doing anything else.

Sometimes, you’re not going to see all of your hard work pay off in a short amount of time. Sometimes, you’re going to have to wait. Sometimes, you’re going to have to stay patient. Some successes take longer than others. You’re not always going to see results overnight. Sometimes, you’re going to have to wait years for your effort to pay off — and that whole time, you’re going to have to keep faith in yourself. You’re going to have to hold onto the hope that you can do this, that you’re going to reach your destination eventually.

Sometimes, you’re to experience jealousy. You’re going to wonder why your friends are so much further ahead in their careers and relationships than you. You’re going to wonder why your bosses give more credit to other workers than you. You’re going to wonder why you haven’t reached your goals yet when other people who have been trying for shorter lengths of time are already ahead of you.

But you can never allow your jealousy to turn into mean-spiritedness. You have to stop thinking of others as your competitors and start thinking of them as your inspirations. You have to be happy for them. You have to remember that their successes are not your failures. Your journey has nothing to do with their journey.

Sometimes, your confidence is going to crash. Sometimes, you’re going to doubt your own abilities. Sometimes, you’re going to flirt with the idea of giving up. But you can never allow yourself to quit on the things that mean the most to you. You have to stay passionate, stay motivated, stay inspired, stay strong. You have to remind yourself you can do this.

9 Common Stereotypes When It Comes To Your Lazy, Unproductive Days

This is a guest post.

1. You’re allowed to relax. You don’t want to make a habit out of slacking — but you don’t want to turn into a massive workaholic either. You’re allowed to relax every once in a while. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself. You’re allowed to have a life outside of your career.

2. Stress is dangerous. You don’t want to push yourself to the brink of exhaustion. You don’t want to pile on responsibilities until you’re crushed by your own stress. You have to take care of yourself. You can’t keep pushing your mental health aside in order to focus on your workload. Your mind matters. If you push yourself too far, you won’t get anything done.

3. Productivity doesn’t always mean what you think it means. You might think you’re being unproductive on weekends when you don’t leave the house, but that might not be entirely true. Texting your friends to check in on them is productive. Catching up on reading is productive. Giving yourself a break from your stress, so you don’t end up having a complete meltdown, is productive.

4. You’re not worthless for lounging around all day. How much you accomplish each day doesn’t correlate to your value. It doesn’t make you a better or worse person. You have to stop placing so much emphasis on success. Happiness matters more.

5. It’s okay to say no. You can’t please everyone. You can’t put a million different things on your plate at once. If you aren’t able to help someone with a favor or work extra hours to impress your boss, that’s okay. You’re allowed to say no.

6. You still have plenty of time to reach your goals. You might feel like you’re getting old, like time is running out, like you should have reached your goals by now. But you can’t rush success. You can’t let yourself become too impatient. You still have plenty of time to reach all your goals, plenty of time to make yourself proud.

7. You deserve a reward. Maybe today is going to be a lazy day — but you deserve a lazy day. Think about how hectic yesterday was. Think about how much work you got done last week. Think of how much you’ve accomplished over the course of this year. Don’t you deserve a day off? You’ve done more than you give yourself credit for, more than enough to earn a little me time.

8. You are meant to do more than work, eat, and sleep. You’re meant to have fun. You’re meant to travel, to make friends, to pick up new hobbies, to watch new movies, to explore this universe. Work isn’t supposed to be your entire life. It’s only supposed to be a part of your life.

9. You’re not a machine. You’re human. Not every single day is going to be a productive day. There are times when you’re going to have to let yourself relax and recharge. Otherwise, you’re going to self-destruct. So do yourself a favor and stop blaming yourself for being lazy. Let yourself enjoy it. At least for a little while.

Special thanks to Holly Riordan.

The Truth About Changing Your Life Is That It Is Often Means Doing Less, Not More

The beginning of a self-transformation requires action, but the end of it requires something deeper, something harder, something you’ve probably never realized before.

While doing more will almost always generate results, there’s an untapped, life-changing magic in doing less.

Sometimes, your problems don’t come from what you’re not doing, they come from what you can’t stop doing.

To really change your life, you probably need to consume less. You probably need to learn to use what you have, to take a breath and stop yourself every time you think you need that one new perfect thing that will magically transform you into a new person.

You probably need to spend less. You probably need to reevaluate your patterns and behaviors and refocus on your long-term goals, prioritizing your future comfort over your immediate gratification.

You probably need to engage less, both with people who are not mentally mature and people whom do not have any intention of having a civil discourse with you. This is not because you can’t speak freely, but because having an exchange with someone whose intent is to fight you rather than connect with you will always be a losing situation.

You probably need to change less. When we start out on our healing journey, it’s about uprooting, replanting, and sprouting. But if you’re unhealed beneath the surface, you won’t be able to lay roots without wanting to rip them out again. Healing, you will find, is not about how many times you can start over, it is whether to not you can bloom.

You probably need to care less. When your mind is consumed with trying to master and perfect every single little thing in your life, you get overwhelmed and give up. Instead, you have to focus on the few things that are actually requiring your attention, and then build from there.

You probably need to do less. Not because you shouldn’t be productive, but because you only have so much energy in a day, and when you spend it on things you don’t really care much about, you find yourself constantly exhausted, drained and at your wit’s end.

You probably need to have fewer expectations. Often, we conflate that with having high standards, but they aren’t the same thing. Unrealistic expectations will slowly wreck you, because they require that you achieve perfection immediately. When your expectation is that you should be a natural-born master of whatever you try to do, it becomes really hard to show up and do the work consistently, which is what you actually have to do to achieve mastery.

You probably need to not try so hard. When you try to force people to like you, it usually has the opposite effect. When you try to convince yourself you’re attractive, you usually seem less so. When you are trying to force every outcome in your life, there’s usually a reason they aren’t coming together on their own.

You probably need to give fewer excuses. Not because you’re going to be unkind to yourself, but because the kindest thing you can possibly do is stop avoiding the honest truth about what’s wrong. You cannot keep trying to positive-self-talk your way into thinking you love your life when you do not. When we’re ready to make fewer justifications, it means we’re also ready to make greater change.

The truth about doing less is that it’s going to bring you into stillness. It is going to require you to face that discomfort you’ve been running from head-on.

The truth is that when we first realize we need to change our lives, it is easy to get swept away in the escape fantasy of it all. Everything has to go, and nothing can stay. There’s an addictive quality to starting over, and if you’re not careful, you can confuse it for actually healing.

Truly getting better is learning to be okay where you are, wherever you are. It is actually metabolizing that discomfort for once, listening to it, letting it show you where you are deeply misaligned.

It is to become grounded, to make positive decisions for the long-term, to start breaking those destructive habits that have been fueled by the pain you haven’t quite had a name for all these years.

It is to no longer be controlled by your feelings, but by your ambitions, by your dreams for the future.

When you go about changing your life, sometimes, the most radical shift of all is to do absolutely nothing — and wait for the sun to rise.

Calm Down, You’re Not Falling Behind

Calm down because you’re not falling behind. There’s not some sort of timeline that you’re supposed to be keeping up with as the years pass. There isn’t a place you should be right now.

Maybe your friends have already reached certain career and relationship milestones — but it doesn’t mean you’re behind because you’re still working on those things. Life isn’t a race. You’re not supposed to rush to be the first person to the finish line. Your journey is entirely your own. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself to your old classmates or cousins. You should be focused on yourself because their wins aren’t your losses.

Calm down because you haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe you’ve spent years chasing after the wrong person. Or maybe you’ve spent years majoring in something you’re not interested in pursuing anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean you screwed up. It means you’ve learned more about yourself during these last few years. It means you’re growing into the person you’re meant to be. That’s a good thing.

Calm down because you’re not too old to make a change. As scary as it is to switch career paths or end a long-term relationship, it’s something that happens every single day. You’re allowed to change your mind at any time. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You shouldn’t feel like all the years leading up to today were wasted. They brought you to where you are right now.

Calm down because you still have plenty of time to make a name for yourself. You don’t have to reach success in your twenties. Most people are still figuring themselves out at this age. Most people don’t have it all together — even if it looks like they do. Remember, social media can be deceiving. You don’t know the behind the scenes stories. You can’t compare when you don’t know the details — and even if you do know the details, there’s no sense in turning your happiness into a competition.

Calm down because no one is judging you as hard as you’ve been judging yourself. You’re your own worst enemy. Despite what your overthinking is telling you, no one is ashamed of you. No one is disappointed in you. And if they are, that’s too bad. You’ve been trying your best and that’s all you can ever do.

Calm down because dwelling over every little mistake you’ve made in the past isn’t going to help you. You shouldn’t berate yourself over how you should have done better or worked harder or put in more effort. You shouldn’t get too upset over the what-ifs because they’re no longer a possibility. You can’t change what happened yesterday, but you’re in total control of how you act tomorrow, so make sure you push yourself forward instead of dragging yourself backward.

Calm down because you’re doing so much better than you think. You need to give yourself more credit. You need to take a second to look back on where you were years ago and realize how much you’ve evolved. You might not have reached certain milestones yet — but that just means you have something to look forward to in the future!